People who are not do not understand.Swinging moods.A sense of hopelessness. A overwhelming feeling of combustion. An urge to scream when there is no need but you feel it so intensely. Jittery. Sluggishness. Rage. A feeling of being incomplete and not knowing how to become complete.
This all began during my teenage years. Most people just thought I was trouble and I became convinced as well that I was. No one understood and I mean no one. The teachers then did not know how to handle what I was. A few were sympathetic. I began to see the light when I attempted suicide and my parents found a note to a friend about why. That began my spiral with psychiatrist and counselors. My parents changed my school because they thought it was my friends. It wasn't it was me. I became involved in an abusive relationship. Found new friends who were worse than me but the school covered for us all because they had a rep to uphold.
I feel an episode coming on. I'm not medicated at present which is a mistake that I know is large. I wrote once upon a time and it helped me alot. I have had block for quite a few years now. One day I hope to recover. I try it just doesn't work.
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3 comments:
Why aren't you on medication now? Are you feeling better?
I feel better but it isn't a constant. Never is. I have learned that over the years there are times when I can say I am ok but I really know they are not. The best way there is to describe the feeling when it begins to go "bad" is that sense of foreboding you get when something is wrong yet you just can't put your finger on it. That is the sense that you get before a swing. Bees in your brain is another way when it gets bad.You learn to deal with it and adjust yourself so it's not bad. It can be overwhelming.
This is great info to know.
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